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maryperk73703Sequel to this 2007 ficlet http://noel-of-spike.livejournal.com/95785.html Just in Spike's POV.
Spike's POV
On the first day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Bloody Hell, there's a Polgara squattin' in my crypt. Well, the Slayer will have to be happy with a Polgara head for Christmas. Too bad she isn't in high school anymore. It would be the perfect locker decoration all wrapped up in a pretty ribbon. A Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the second day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Found a set of perfectly balanced, razor sharp Turkish swords for the Slayer. Got to love a girl that likes manly weapons. There's another soddin' Polgara squattin' in my crypt. Good thing there's a flower arrangement two rows over with a yellow bow on it. Two Turkish swords and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the third day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Laid three French kisses on the Slayer today along with the next set of Turkish swords and a Polgara head. The kisses were to stem the Polgara questions. Stupid buggers won't stop squattin' in my crypt. Don't want Buffy to think there's an epidemic or anything. She ignored the floppy boy Harris' spluttering. All is well in good old Spikey's world. Three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara in a yellow bow.
On the fourth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... A little busy with another damned Polgara demon. Where the hell do they keep coming from? Had some of Zoof's girls call the Slayer to tell her what's going on, but all they could do was giggle. I'll just distract her with kisses, swords, and yet another Polgara head for her collection. four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the fifth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Well, the swords set me back a pretty penny. What the hell am I going to substitute for five golden rings? Rings ... rings ... golden rings. Oh, onion rings. I can get the Slayer onion rings. Maybe eventually she'll like the bloomin' onions too. It's not like there's much difference. Zoof's girls called the Slayer again. I guess they like to listen to her splutter. The kissing led to some petting. Caught Buffy checking on her Polgara head collection. Does she think I'm stealin' them just to regift them? It's not my fault my crypt is more of a demon magnet than the floppy boy. Five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the sixth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... The Slayer's friends ... I swear ... they all swim in a river in Egypt. Except the Bit. She's ecstatic about her sis and me. Can't say the same for the rest of the crew. Rupes gave me the evil eye all evenin'. Not that yours truly cares. Buffy is really enjoying the presents. She needs all the joy she can get these days. They still haven't apologized for pullin' the poor girl out of heaven. And I'm callin' the soddin' exterminator about my Polgara infestation. Hope he makes crypt calls. Six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow ribbon.
On the seventh day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Zoof gave me seven swans instead of the kittens he owes me. What the bloody hell? I had to save the stupid things from the Polgara in my crypt. Dropped them off at the Slayer's house, while I dispatched yet another homeless demon. Not that Buffy was too happy about the swans. Apparently, her neighbors took exception to them. At least I was able to get her mind off the whole thing with kisses and swords. seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the eighth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Zoof gave me seven more swans. Where the bloody hell is he getting them? Are they like the Polgaras and just showing up at his house? I picked up eight packs of Swiss Miss hot chocolate on the way to give the Slayer her gifts. Her neighbors called the police ... again. Buffy gave the nice policemen the hot chocolate. I guess it's the least she could do. Zoof's girls decided to show up in person to meet the Slayer. They hooked up with the cops instead. Funny how the neighbors can ignore the kisses, swords, and Polgara head, but not a flock of swans. Eight packs of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, fives golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the ninth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... More of Zoof's ladies got in on the act today when they delivered the swans directly to Buffy's house, even Mad Martha. She's Zoof's main attraction. Extra titties come in handy in the strippin' business. Mad Martha slipped the Polgara head into her purse. Hope the Slayer didn't notice. So, a rundown of the current characters enjoyin' my Christmas present to the Slayer ... Nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four callin' birds (and their four brand new policeman boyfriends), three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the tenth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Buffy's a bit brassed off about the whole zoo goin' on at her house tonight. I think it was the two strippers and that one leapin' man trying for a ménage a trois right there on the front porch in front of the Nibblet. Ah, a reprieve! The Slayer wants some more Swiss Miss and onion rings. Let's pretend she kicked the Polgara head into the bushes to hide it from Mad Martha. The exterminator stopped by, but I don't think he's going to be much help. He ran off screaming while I killed the latest crypt squatter m'self. Ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the eleventh day of Christmas I gave my true love ... The Slayer's damned lucky it's only eleven trombonists. The chaos they added was fun though. Buffy's neighborhood is overflowing with Christmas joy now. Pretty sure the Polgara head isn't feeling festive though since it crawled away using its tongue. Pretty sure I killed that damned thing, but maybe it's a Pylean Polgara demon. Eleven trombones a bonin', ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packs of Swiss Miss (for the eight policemen), seven honking swans (Zoof will pay for this travesty, I promise you), six friends in denial (freaked out denial, but still denial, except for the Nibblet, she's an okay bird), five golden rings, four calling birds (giggling over their boyfriends), three French kisses (pretty sure the neighbor ladies are just irate because they're missin' out on my fine self), two Turkish swords (again, the irate neighbor men are just jealous that Buffy's getting such fine hardware), and a Polgara head in a yellow bow (stupid squattin' demons).
On the twelfth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... The Slayer showed up on my doorstep with the Swiss Miss, onion rings, knives, and the Polgara head. Just got rid of that soddin' thing, and she brought it back. Ohh, kinky. Buffy says I must be punished for all the chaos at her house. I think there might be a spanking in my future. Bring it on, Slayer. BRING IT ON! Twelve drummers drummin' , eleven trombones a bonin', ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Spike's POV
On the first day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Bloody Hell, there's a Polgara squattin' in my crypt. Well, the Slayer will have to be happy with a Polgara head for Christmas. Too bad she isn't in high school anymore. It would be the perfect locker decoration all wrapped up in a pretty ribbon. A Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the second day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Found a set of perfectly balanced, razor sharp Turkish swords for the Slayer. Got to love a girl that likes manly weapons. There's another soddin' Polgara squattin' in my crypt. Good thing there's a flower arrangement two rows over with a yellow bow on it. Two Turkish swords and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the third day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Laid three French kisses on the Slayer today along with the next set of Turkish swords and a Polgara head. The kisses were to stem the Polgara questions. Stupid buggers won't stop squattin' in my crypt. Don't want Buffy to think there's an epidemic or anything. She ignored the floppy boy Harris' spluttering. All is well in good old Spikey's world. Three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara in a yellow bow.
On the fourth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... A little busy with another damned Polgara demon. Where the hell do they keep coming from? Had some of Zoof's girls call the Slayer to tell her what's going on, but all they could do was giggle. I'll just distract her with kisses, swords, and yet another Polgara head for her collection. four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the fifth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Well, the swords set me back a pretty penny. What the hell am I going to substitute for five golden rings? Rings ... rings ... golden rings. Oh, onion rings. I can get the Slayer onion rings. Maybe eventually she'll like the bloomin' onions too. It's not like there's much difference. Zoof's girls called the Slayer again. I guess they like to listen to her splutter. The kissing led to some petting. Caught Buffy checking on her Polgara head collection. Does she think I'm stealin' them just to regift them? It's not my fault my crypt is more of a demon magnet than the floppy boy. Five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the sixth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... The Slayer's friends ... I swear ... they all swim in a river in Egypt. Except the Bit. She's ecstatic about her sis and me. Can't say the same for the rest of the crew. Rupes gave me the evil eye all evenin'. Not that yours truly cares. Buffy is really enjoying the presents. She needs all the joy she can get these days. They still haven't apologized for pullin' the poor girl out of heaven. And I'm callin' the soddin' exterminator about my Polgara infestation. Hope he makes crypt calls. Six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow ribbon.
On the seventh day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Zoof gave me seven swans instead of the kittens he owes me. What the bloody hell? I had to save the stupid things from the Polgara in my crypt. Dropped them off at the Slayer's house, while I dispatched yet another homeless demon. Not that Buffy was too happy about the swans. Apparently, her neighbors took exception to them. At least I was able to get her mind off the whole thing with kisses and swords. seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the eighth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Zoof gave me seven more swans. Where the bloody hell is he getting them? Are they like the Polgaras and just showing up at his house? I picked up eight packs of Swiss Miss hot chocolate on the way to give the Slayer her gifts. Her neighbors called the police ... again. Buffy gave the nice policemen the hot chocolate. I guess it's the least she could do. Zoof's girls decided to show up in person to meet the Slayer. They hooked up with the cops instead. Funny how the neighbors can ignore the kisses, swords, and Polgara head, but not a flock of swans. Eight packs of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, fives golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the ninth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... More of Zoof's ladies got in on the act today when they delivered the swans directly to Buffy's house, even Mad Martha. She's Zoof's main attraction. Extra titties come in handy in the strippin' business. Mad Martha slipped the Polgara head into her purse. Hope the Slayer didn't notice. So, a rundown of the current characters enjoyin' my Christmas present to the Slayer ... Nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four callin' birds (and their four brand new policeman boyfriends), three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the tenth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... Buffy's a bit brassed off about the whole zoo goin' on at her house tonight. I think it was the two strippers and that one leapin' man trying for a ménage a trois right there on the front porch in front of the Nibblet. Ah, a reprieve! The Slayer wants some more Swiss Miss and onion rings. Let's pretend she kicked the Polgara head into the bushes to hide it from Mad Martha. The exterminator stopped by, but I don't think he's going to be much help. He ran off screaming while I killed the latest crypt squatter m'self. Ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
On the eleventh day of Christmas I gave my true love ... The Slayer's damned lucky it's only eleven trombonists. The chaos they added was fun though. Buffy's neighborhood is overflowing with Christmas joy now. Pretty sure the Polgara head isn't feeling festive though since it crawled away using its tongue. Pretty sure I killed that damned thing, but maybe it's a Pylean Polgara demon. Eleven trombones a bonin', ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packs of Swiss Miss (for the eight policemen), seven honking swans (Zoof will pay for this travesty, I promise you), six friends in denial (freaked out denial, but still denial, except for the Nibblet, she's an okay bird), five golden rings, four calling birds (giggling over their boyfriends), three French kisses (pretty sure the neighbor ladies are just irate because they're missin' out on my fine self), two Turkish swords (again, the irate neighbor men are just jealous that Buffy's getting such fine hardware), and a Polgara head in a yellow bow (stupid squattin' demons).
On the twelfth day of Christmas I gave my true love ... The Slayer showed up on my doorstep with the Swiss Miss, onion rings, knives, and the Polgara head. Just got rid of that soddin' thing, and she brought it back. Ohh, kinky. Buffy says I must be punished for all the chaos at her house. I think there might be a spanking in my future. Bring it on, Slayer. BRING IT ON! Twelve drummers drummin' , eleven trombones a bonin', ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
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Date: 2014-12-30 11:08 pm (UTC)*LMAO* adorable!
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